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Subject:

My take...

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Date: Sun, 20-Jul-2025 1:39:05 PM PDT
Where: SoapZone Community Message Board
In topic: ~*~*Week of July 14th Potpourri~*~^ posted by Leia
In reply to: WWSZD? Friend was an @sshole last night. posted by Antwon
I was in the middle between Frank and Tee (Terrance) and I placed a hand on each of their shoulders and said "Call me when your balls drop." Nearly everyone laughed.

I'm assuming Tee laughed as well? Or was this the start of his mood?

So then Tee made a crack and I was like, don't be like Terrance (his real name) and he grabbed my cup of water off the table and threw it in my direction. It hit me at stomach level and splashed on the arm of Frank.

Whoa...HUGE overreaction. Was he drunk? Though TBH, he possibly took "don't be like Terrance" as more of an insult than a friendly jab. This is where I have trouble advising guys about their friendships. I know guys crack on each other all the time and mean nothing by it but with many woman, a single wrong look can set off a fight <g>.

I was like, WTF is your problem? He was like, I told you don't use my government name. So my best friend's wife grabbed a napkin and started patting me dry. I told her I was good.

Assuming Tee was right and you knew he didn't like his "government name" used, did you apologize? People can be incredibly touchy about their names/nicknames. I make a point of telling people not to call me "Vic". I hate "Vic". To me, "Vic" is a sleazy 1950s lounge singer with slicked back hair. Mom was allowed to call me Vic, which she didn't do often, only because she birthed me and thus earned the right to call me anything she wanted to. But to everyone else, stop with the "Vic". My name is only two syllables--it's not like it's some long, unpronounceable mish mash of letters. If you *must* call me something that's only one syllable, "Vee" would be acceptable, or suggest a different nickname. Anyways...

It changed the entire energy at the table. Frank had to get up early, so he announced his departure and hugged everyone. Now, I'm pissed and decide to bounce. I made my way around and hugged everyone--sans Tee, because fuq him! I made it home and best friend's wife text me:

Did Tee seemed bothered that you deliberately didn't hug him?

J: But you know him, he won't apologize.

Ah...so he's one of those people who never admit fault...

Now that I am north of 50, I have very little patience for BS. I try to protect my energy.

Right there with you!

I'm not sure I'll be attending for a bit as there will be tension. Usually, there are 5 of us who do the outings, so it's not like we have to speak. And our other two friends, who didn't attend the afterparty will surely ask me, why I'm suddenly not joining them. I have no issue stating exactly why. Part of me feels like texting him today, seeing if he wants to discuss what happened last night, so that we can clear the air. But, then there is part of me who is tired of being the person to extend the olive branch or initiate a conversation.

If this a regular thing with him--him offending and then never apologizing--then yeah, I get not wanting to be the one to back down. Because really, IMO, this is two wrongs: you knowingly using a name he hates and him way overreacting and throwing water at you. So I feel a mutual apology would be a good idea, and somebody has to start the conversation. But...

If the friendship were to end--I wouldn't shed a tear. I love him but actions have consequences. I'm at a point in my life where I am purposeful of who I want in my presence and not maintaining relationships that don't feed my soul.

I also feel you'd be perfectly OK with dropping him like a hot potato (I'm sure there's a cooler way to say that these days...ummm...ghosting him?) since you don't think you'd be particularly bothered to not have him in your life.

Off to get some pizza for dinner but I'll be back to see what others think...


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