One Life to Live Update for Friday, 6-Jan-2006

It seems even the couples that are happy couples aren’t so happy this day. The girls-against-the-boys games are in full swing (sometimes literally) and much ice cream is consumed. Nothing good, but many things necessary, will come of this.

Antonio is in full snoop mode and manages to find a restraining order filed against one Nash Brennan. Strangely, this order does not state who filed it nor the justification for filing. But the intrepid Antonio vows to find out so that he may bar Nash from his playground permanently. Nash, meanwhile, is happily playing house with Tess. He wants to go to get the paternity test over with as he is confident this baby is his. She’s scared and worries that all her problems, and the ones to come, will make Nash give up on her. Nash swears on all that is good that she can trust him and promises to never, ever leave her - no matter what she’s hiding. Tess is worried that if she spills the secret she has on Jessica her existence will end. No one wants Tess and, after she talks, no one will need her. Nash knows she’s wrong. He wants her, not Jessica, and he needs Tess to help him raise their baby. When Antonio arrives, as we all knew he would (dammit), he immediately starts the controlling-cop routine on Nash. Tess isn’t out of the picture yet, but Antonio will squish her soon enough.

Also in the too-much-testosterone-arena, John and Cristian decide to spar at the boxing gym. At first the trainer thinks this is a good idea. He has no clue who Cris is. After a few rounds it becomes obvious that John and Cris are taking this a little too far and the trainer calls the match. As soon as trainer is out of sight the boys head back at each other and it escalates to a real brawl. Cristian is furious that he is getting divorced, he actually tore up the painting he did of/for Natalie. John is over the edge with his own anger-issues. When the trainer comes back around the corner he freaks that they are still at it and kicks them both out. John pulls Natalie’s picture out of the garbage on the way home.

Dearest Roxy is holding court at the beauty shop with Rex and Natalie. Natalie is still angry at John and Cristian. Cristian is always pressuring her to come back and be his loving bride, John ignores the whole fiasco and wants to move on like nothing happened. Natalie thinks they are cavemen who want to club her and drag her back to the cave. Roxy volunteers to play stunt-double. Rex knows he blew it with Adriana after the Nina debacle. He tells Natalie that, no matter how stupid she thinks he is, Adriana thinks he’s even stupider. He heard Adriana tell Dorian that he was bad news. He agrees and says Adriana is better off without him. Roxy serves up the ice cream (sans spoons) and they all commiserate about their horrific love-lifes under the hair dryers.

Speaking of Adriana, she and Dorian are breaking into the Hagen Daz themselves as Adriana unleashes the tale of Rex-done-me-wrong. Dorian wonders whether Adriana wasn’t better off with Duke Buchanan, and it chaps her ass raw to say so. Adriana doesn’t love Duke. Whew. Dorian knows all about loving a man who pokes at your soft spots, she suggests a trip to St. Bart’s for shopping and beach therapy. Kramer women always survive - there is no need to suffer tanless and in frumpy clothes. Just as they reach the mother/daughter bonding moment Vicki shows up.

Vicki wants to thank Dorian for helping out with the Niki Smith situation on New Year’s. Dorian accepts this graciously but tells Vicki that it is Clint she should thank. It was his kiss that saved the day. Vicki acknowledges the kiss but states it was only to get rid of Niki, she and Clint aren’t together anymore and are currently fighting. Dorian teases that she is well aware that Clint is a free man, and she intends to takes Niki’s advice and “go for him” herself. Vicki is appalled. Dorian should be making up with David - he loves her - and she is all wrong for Clint. Dorian tactlessly points out the green-eyed monster riding Vicki’s back and gleefully announces that she plans to ask Clint out.

Clint is checking in with Bo on the family front at LPD. They both feel helpless over their kids’ situations: Clint’s Jess/Tess problem, Bo’s Nora disaster. Clint mentions that Niki Smith is back in town due to Vicki’s misguided attempt to help Jessica. He relates the whole New Year’s saga and “the kiss.” Bo asks how it was. Clint denies any feelings for Vicki and says he doesn’t want a relationship right now as he just lost Dallas. As Clint leaves the office he runs smack into Vicki. How many synonyms are there for “awkward?” To break the tension, a process server presents Vicki with a supoena to testify against Todd.

Evangeline is hanging with Layla at the diner on her lunch break from Todd’s trial. They talk about the trial and the minutiae of law - just kidding - they talk about John. Evangeline is just pissed that she can’t get him out of her system. Layla suggests a new man to... you know. Layla thinks Hugh and maybe Dr. Jamison are good candidates. Evangeline is mortified and tries to change the subject to Layla, but nobody cares about Layla.