Top Ten Lists

Mac Scorpio's Top Ten Macho Guidelines For the Christmas Season

10) Give everyone Outback placemats: real men don't shop
 9) Go to forest, cut down pine tree.... with a butter knife
 8) Put up Xmas lights that spell out "Bud Light" across
    the roof
 7) Eat Christmas cookie dough... raw
 6) Have shot gun ready when reindeer fly over
 5) Drink egg nog out of a dirty glass
 4) Put Christmas wreath on door, pound in nail... with your
    head
 3) Take it like a man when you learn the news about Santa
    Claus
 2) Open presents... don't save bows
And Mac Scorpio's number one macho guideline for the
Christmas season
 1) No singing "The Twelve Days of Christmas", wearing
    elf costume, eating swiss cheese omelettes, drinking
    snooty french wine, watching "The Nutcracker" (that's a
    ballet), agreeing to help with the dinner dishes,
    admitting how much you hate football and letting Felicia
    carve the ham, unless she's really set on it.