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Bobbie Jones Quiz
From: rika@netcom.com (Melissa Martin)
Subject: GH: Bobbie Jones Relationship Quiz (LONG)
Date: Thu, 6 Jul 1995 04:50:20 GMT
THE BARBARA JEAN SPENCER JONES* RELATIONSHIP QUIZ
(*other husbands' names omitted because I was afraid I'd get the order
wrong and look like an idiot. 'Nuff said.)
PROFESSIONAL RELATIONSHIPS
--------------------------
1. Your psychiatrist has been dating a woman of whom you disapprove. This
was fine with you as long as you thought he was just using her for sex,
but now you are getting the idea that he may have serious feelings for
her. You:
a. Continue therapy without mentioning it. He is a professional, and
this will not in any way interfere with his ability to help you.
b. Discuss your concerns with him openly, but then continue therapy.
If the concerns won't go away, seek another therapist.
c. Insult his judgment and his taste in women. Continue therapy
anyway, but at the first opportunity, accuse him of taking her side
and flounce out in a snit. After all, if you're miserable, why
should ANYONE else be happy?
2. One morning you burst into your psychiatrist's office without an
appointment and find him there with the woman of whom you disapprove.
They are clearly in the middle of a conversation. You:
a. Apologize, saying you will come back later, and leave immediately.
b. Apologize, asking when he will be free to see you. Allow yourself
to be convinced to stay after several attempts to leave. You know
this will drive the woman nuts but, hey, you *tried* to leave!
c. Stand your ground, shoot nasty looks at the woman, offer her
insincere compliments, and repeat unfounded rumors about her until
you drive her away in disgust.
3. One night at a blues club, you see your psychiatrist sitting at the bar
alone, looking unhappy. You then see the woman he loves openly flirting
with another man. Your psychiatrist has never been anything but
courteous, kind, and supportive to you. You:
a. Discreetly go to another part of the room. The fewer people who see
him, the less humiliated he will be later.
b. Go and say hello to him. You feel sorry for him, being embarrassed
in this way by such an unworthy woman. If he sees her, you won't
make a big deal of it, but you won't defend her behavior either.
c. Go and say hello to him, point her out so he won't miss her, find
several ways to say, "I told you so" under the cover of false
sympathy, and generally do your best to make him feel like an idiot.
4. You are at a party, and your psychiatrist and the woman are apparently
having problems. The woman leaves, and he is clearly disturbed. He
walks away from the rest of the party to the food table, probably
because he needs a few moments alone to collect himself. You:
a. Pretend not to notice the entire event, instead busying yourself
with the other guests.
b. Walk over to him and ask if he is all right. Maybe if you're lucky
he'll spill his guts.
c. Walk over to him and offer a snide remark about the woman in as
insulting a tone as possible.
FAMILY
------
1. You arrive, uninvited and unannounced, at your brother's house around
dinner time. You find your brother and his wife dining with your
psychiatrist and the woman of whom your disapprove. You:
a. Apologize sincerely for intruding on their evening, politely greet
each person, handle the business that brought you there as quickly
as possible, and leave.
b. Allow yourself to be convinced to stay for a drink and behave
impeccably, in hopes of making the woman terribly uncomfortable.
c. Treat everyone as rudely as possible and flounce out in a snit.
2. Your brother is heartbroken over his recent separation from his wife.
He tells you of his sorrow. You:
a. Offer your sympathy and support, asking if there is anything you can
do to help him.
b. Offer your sympathy and support, along with a few subtle remarks
suggesting that you think the wife's judgment is flawed. You should
probably mind your own business, but it's hard not to stick up for
your brother.
c. Openly criticize the wife, using it as an opportunity to justify your
own self-inflicted failed marriage. When the wife enters the room,
give her a disgusted look and flounce out.
3. Your brother's wife comes into a cafe where you are sitting. You
disapprove of her behavior in this separation from your brother. She is
clearly somewhat uncomfortable to see you. You:
a. Welcome her graciously and kindly, asking how the children are and
what she is doing these days. If she brings up the marriage problems,
you offer your sympathy and then change the subject.
b. Speak to her briefly but politely and then leave - you don't want to
be rude, but you just can't condone what she is doing.
c. Speak to her, lacing your discourse with snarky little barbs intended
to make her feel worse, and generally butt into a situation about
which you know next to nothing.
FRIENDSHIP
----------
1. Your best friend and her husband are having an argument. You are
standing close enough to hear some of it. You:
a. Walk away so as not to invade their privacy.
b. Noticing the approach of Nurse "Heat-Seeking Missile" Vining, you
go up to them and suggest that they continue their discussion where
they won't be overheard.
c. Creep closer and eavesdrop as much as you can. It's fun to hear
somebody besides you and your husband fighting for a change!
2. Your best friend's husband comes to you after the argument, dejected
and confused. He asks for a sympathetic ear. You:
a. Listen, offer sympathy and understanding, and then mind your own
business.
b. Listen, suggest alternate viewpoints, and encourage him to discuss
it further with his wife. It's fun to be the therapist for a change.
c. Go out drinking with him.
3. Your best friend comes to you after the argument, dejected and confused.
She asks for a sympathetic ear. You:
a. Listen, offer sympathy and understanding, and then mind your own
business.
b. Listen, suggest alternate viewpoints, and encourage her to discuss
it further with her husband. This therapist deal could be habit
forming!
c. Take the husband's side and tell her, "Get over it!" After all, if
you're miserable, why should she get what she wants?
MARRIAGE
--------
1. Your stepdaughter has just been killed by a drunk driver. Your niece
is gravely ill and needs a heart transplant. You:
a. Stay close by your husband and his brother and family in this time of
crisis.
b. Grieve openly for your stepdaughter, who was very dear to you.
You are too upset at this time to offer comfort to anyone else,
but who can blame you?
c. Have sex with the town pariah.
2. It is the first anniversary of the death of your stepdaughter, which is
also basically the first anniversary of when you had sex with the
town pariah. You feel the need for some physical closeness with your
estranged husband. You:
a. Go to him, express your sorrow, and simply ask if you can hold each
other for a while. He is probably emotionally fragile on such a
day, and attempting anything more right now might be harmful.
b. Attempt to seduce him and, if you fail, be sympathetic, understanding,
and discreet in spite of your disappointment. Maybe he'll feel like
dropping by some night for a rematch, if you catch my drift.
c. Attempt to seduce him, and get petulant and upset when you fail. You
then spill the story to your psychiatrist (who is also his friend),
his brother, and your best friend's husband, so that as many of the
men he knows as possible are aware that his little engine just plain
couldn't.
3. You see your estranged husband hugging your sister-in-law. It's not
passionate, so it could be a gesture of comfort, or it could be
something more. You:
a. Leave them alone. She may be upset about something, and later you
will try to find out, but right now you don't want to intrude.
b. Approach them, saying, "Hello! Has something happened?" That way,
if anything *was* gonna happen, you're there to stop it.
c. Shriek like a banshee, fling accusations about, and DARE them to tell
you that anything is wrong.
4. Ever since the banshee incident, you have begun to suspect there is
something going on between your estranged husband and his sister-in-law.
You:
a. Tell yourself that you are imagining things and, besides, you told
him not that long ago that you wanted to consider that the two of
you were not married for the time being, so in reality he can do
whatever the h*ll he wants without your permission.
b. Go to him and calmly explain your concerns. Ask him if there is any
truth to your suspicions. You figure that if he knows you have
been watching, it may nip this in the bud. And, just in case, start
mixing traces of arsenic into your famous meat loaf sandwiches and
offering them to your sister-in-law regularly.
c. Run to your shrink without an appointment on a holiday when the poor
thing has to work, and take up some of his time while you spill your
guts. Why wait till tomorrow - if you're upset, why should ANYONE
be happy?
SPECIAL QUESTIONS RELATED TO JULY 4 PICNIC BEHAVIOR
---------------------------------------------------
1. At the July 4 picnic, you notice additional evidence that your estranged
husband is attracted to his sister-in-law. You:
a. Ignore it; he is just concerned about her welfare, from his sense of
responsibility to her.
b. Sit by him and cheerfully attempt to distract him. If you can be
entertaining and charming, perhaps you can give him something more
interesting to think about. It shouldn't be much of a challenge -
she is such a bore that nobody has even noticed that she cut off
most of her hair a couple of weeks ago!
c. Run to find your shrink so you can spill your self-pitying guts.
2. You find your psychiatrist. He is lying on his back on a blanket in a
somewhat secluded spot, arms behind his head, in an attitude of total
relaxation. He is smiling up at his lover as she sits close by him,
eating a strawberry. A full bowl of strawberries sits on the blanket.
All the fans of this couple are hoping to see some imaginative new ways
to feed finger food to another person, as this couple is known to have
quite a bit of talent in this area. You:
a. Decide that this would be an inopportune time to interrupt, as the
couple clearly want to be alone, and the couple's fans clearly want
to watch them being alone. You will try to see him tomorrow at
the hospital.
b. Stand there for a moment, perhaps clearing your throat softly, to see
if you will be noticed and invited to explain what you need. Then,
noticing the menacing fans glaring at you, you change your mind and
sprint off, relieved that you are wearing your new Reebok cross-
trainers.
c. Walk right up to them and ask to speak to your psychiatrist right
away. If you are upset, why should ANYONE be happy, including all
those stupid fans!
3. You have asked to see your psychiatrist right away. His girlfriend is
displeased and tells you that "the doctor is not in." He slowly
but politely begins to sit up in order to speak to you. You:
a. Apologize sincerely for the intrusion, ask to see him at the hospital
tomorrow, and leave at once, embarrassed to have interrupted such
a romantic scene. You then apologize profusely to the fans in the
hope that they will not slap you silly for your near-transgression,
and you start warming up those Reeboks just in case.
b. Say, "Oh, no, please, I'm sorry for interrupting - I should go."
You then allow him to talk you into staying. You hope he will
protect you from the fans and, in case he won't, you make a mental
note to shop for anti-slapping armor ASAP.
c. Ignore the girlfriend and stand your ground until you break up the
romantic little tableau. If YOU aren't getting any, why should
anybody else?
SCORING
-------
Give yourself 0 points for each "A" answer, 1 point for each "B" answer,
and 2 points for each "C" answer.
0-8: Forget it; you are NOT Bobbie Jones material. In fact, you are
probably a viable candidate for sainthood, or a recurring role as
a female relative of the Wards.
9-17: Like Bobbie, you believe in taking action when relationship problems
arise; however, unlike her, you don't do it like a bull in a china
shop. You are clever and subtle, and such nuances escape her.
18-21: Some Bobbie Jones behavior is creeping in here, but overall you
show fairly good sense in your relationships.
22-25: You show definite Bobbie Jones tendencies, but you still have
rare fits of good judgment. You may want to post a "No Slapping
Zone" warning on your front door to be safe.
26-33: I'd be shopping for those cross-trainers and that anti-slapping
armor if I were you.
34: Is your name Barbara Jean? Do you have red hair? Have you had
major cosmetic surgery? Did the results of this surgery almost
fall out of your Cinderella dress at the Nurses' Ball? Drill
Team! Red Alert! Here is your target!!!!!!!!
Addendum to Bobbie Jones Relationship Quiz
Nurse Bobbie's behavior on the August 24th show has inspired me to provide an
addendum to the Bobbie Jones Relationship Quiz I posted back in early July.
These are extra credit questions:
1. It is your son's birthday. Your husband asks you if you are ready to go
home to make preparations. You:
a. Say, "Of course!", and leave with him. Your son's happiness is the most
important thing to you.
b. Explain that you must visit your despondent brother first. You pay him
a quick visit to make sure he's okay, and then you go home.
c. Explain that you must visit your despondent brother first. Then, with
only minimal arm-twisting (in fact, let's call it pinkie-twisting),
you blow off your brother and go drinking with your best friend's
husband instead, while your son waits at home, wondering if Mommy has
forgotten his birthday.
2. You find yourself attracted to your best friend's husband. You:
a. Avoid him as much as possible, and avoid conversations with him when
you are forced to see him.
b. Explain to him that, though you find him attractive, you cannot spend
time with him. You then refuse his invitations.
c. Explain to him that, though you find him attractive, you cannot spend
time with him. You then see him socially at every opportunity, while
continuing to insist that you must not see him. After all, as long
as you SAY you can't see him, you've done everything you can, right?
3. You and your best friend's husband share a small kiss. You:
a. Leave immediately, and avoid him in future.
b. Tell him this must never happen again.
c. Gaze at him, lips parted, bosom heaving (I'll omit the obvious
comments), until he figures out you are willing. Then you share a
serious lip-lock.
4. You and your best friend's husband just shared a serious lip-lock. You:
a. Leave immediately, and avoid him in future.
b. Tell him this must never happen again - it is unfair to your friend.
c. Tell him this must never happen again because, gee, if it did, you'd
have no will power left and would probably jump him right on the spot
and do all kinds of excruciatingly fabulous things to him, and clearly
he wouldn't want THAT to happen.
5. Your #1 enemy observed your serious lip-lock, and confronts you. You:
a. Tell her it was a mistake that will never happen again.
b. Lie a little, and try to tell her you were just comforting each other,
and assure her it will never happen again.
c. Tell her she didn't see anything and, besides, it's all her fault that
you are such a slut, and how dare someone like her criticize a person
of high morals such as yourself, anyway?
I thought it was a hoot watching Bobbie trying to take the moral high
ground. As Vicky observed, she wouldn't know moral high ground if it
jumped up and slapped her in the face. My, what a nice segue.....
------------
Rika
Captain, Precision Bobbie-Slapping Drill Team, aka BBA Dream Team
VP, Slapping Bobbie Silly when she Bothers Kevin and Lucy, MHGC Boobie
