Daily Updates

From: hip1@nyc.pipeline.com (A. Huret)
Subject: GH: Guest Update, Thursday 8/31
Date: 3 Sep 1995 00:53:39 -0400

Yes, it's hip1nyc, guest-updating for the vacactioning Thursday updater,
Jan Yarnot ---

------  GH Update for Thursday, August 31st  ------

this update sort of took on a movie theme . . .  MHA members are sure to
be particularly entranced with Close Encounters of the Vacuous Kind

now playing:

Cinema 1:  Thelma & Louise Go Shopping
---------------------------------------------------------

this story line continues to be hilarious !!!  RuPaul, eat your heart out
!!!  our gals Thel (aka Unkie Mac) and Ouisey (Kevin) continue their female
bonding.  Ouisey stops by the Outback to pick up Thel for an afternoon of
shopping.  Foolisha won't get out of his face and continues to *pump* him
for information (no pun intended) . . .  Kevin tells her it's a guy thing,
and Mac quickly saves him from her relentless badgering.  Kev tells Mac
that all systems are go and that he made contact with his alias --- the
only glitch, is that Norma Singenpowla (sp?) is a delicate 5'4" and very
pretty.  Mac tells him not to worry.  Kevin beams as he informs Mac of his
new alias:  Eve Gormley, Norma's full-time assistant.  Eve is also English)
and completed devoted to Norma.  linking arms, the gals are off to an
afternoon of facials, manicures and shopping at the mall, much to the
bewilderment of Foolisha.

Ouisey balks as s/he and Thel enter "The Pretty One" boutique.  Thel
assures he/r that the store came highly recommended from his sources ----
catering to extra tall, extra long and extra large !!  Thel-Mac seems
curiously comfortable while Ouisey obsesses over the harsh lighting and
unforgiving mirrors.  Thel-Mac accuses he/r of being vain and they continue
to bicker like hens.

Thel-Mac sashays to a rack and exclaims, "Now here are dresses a guy can
actually get in to !!"  (hey, whatever lifts your skirt, Uncle Mac !!)
Kevin continues whining --- "why can't we shop through the catalog ??"
Thel-Mac (who evidently has prior experience ordering from Victoria's
Secret) reminds him that they can't afford the time.  Mac encourages him to
look at the experience as a field trip into the female psyche and Kevin
retorts that he is gaining perspective on the low self-esteem of his female
patients:  department store mirrors !!

in what had to be the Scene of the Day, Kevin is perusing the racks in
disgust;  all he seeks is something simple and elegant.  maybe something a
little understated in gray or beige.  they continue to bicker like hens and
Thel-Mac accuses him of being stuffy and hopeless.  Mac shows off a rayon
number in a bold indian print and Ouisey quickly snatches it from his
hands.  Draping the hanger over his neck in the 3-way mirror, he pauses and
turns sideways.  Kevin morphs into his female side and notices how the
color compliments his skin . . . what color is that ? he asks . . . . "Mine
!!" Mac snaps, and yanks the dress from Kevin's grasp.

a quick study in the art of dress buying, Kevin whines, "Hey !!  if i came
across something that sang out to you, i'd let you have it !!"  but Mac
says no deal ---- why, he has already started accessorizing !!!  at that,
Kevin snaps back to reality and asks whether they will need to wear panty
hose. Kinky Uncle Mac suggests thigh highs . . .   Kevin wisely inquires
how his dear buddy seems to know so much about these things.  Mac quickly
covers, using his niece as his excuse.

the gals return to the Outback, weary from their excursion.  Foolisha
starts to get nosy again.  Mac and Kev decide to do coffee (irish) double
(swell) and Kevin gets an inexplicable desire for something sweet . . .

Cinema 2:  Close Encounters of the Vacuous Kind
-------------------------------------------------------------------

Lois and Ned summoned MigHell to the gatehouse.  according to the highly
paid Q attorneys, the L&B partnership is airtight *except* with regard to
creative control, which belongs solely to Lois.  Ned and Lois tell the
Clueless One that he is their only hope how's *that* for a comforting
thought ??  Ned explains that the only way to goad Sonny into crossing the
line is to target his vulnerabilities:  his heart and pride.  Lois
continues that MigHell's relationship with BrainDead (Rena visibly
shuddered delivering that line) is already eating Sonny alive, they just
need to keep pressing his buttons.  in short, they need to pull Sonny
deeper into L&B in order to get him out.

El Clueless stammers that the plan doesn't made sense.  Lois tries to
maintain her patience and explains that if MigHell & BrainDead's liaison is
literally thrown in Sonny's face, eventually his ego will snap which result
in a power play with Lois  ---- but she reiterates that they need MigHell
to pull it off.  MigClueless asks what Brenda thinks and Lois sheepishly
tells him that she doesn't know yet while Ned explains that BrainDead has
been through enough already and somehow this updater believes Nedly is
referring to her participation in burying the burrito . . ..

in what was most likely scripted to be a riveting, climatic moment, MigHell
stands up with all the passion of someone going to the fridge to get
another soda, and tells Ned and Lois that he hates the plan.  i tell you,
the moment was about as exhilarating as watching paint dry . . .  what
presence ---  what delivery ---- what acting skills . . .  someone give
this man an Emmy i say !!!  smirk, smirk

Lois asks the Vacuous Wonder what he hates most . . .   his response will
amaze you . . .  without batting an eyelash, MigHell replies that his songs
are born out of pain and joy (yeah !! of us watching him try to act !!) and
his music comes from his life and as such, he can't bear to see them
diminished in this manner.  i apologize for the length of this segment,
but i had to grossly ad lib his script here as MigHell mumbled and
stammered his lines beyond comprehension at this point  most importantly,
he went on, he is (1) concerned for BrainDead who is still in pain over
Sonny and (2) worried about crossing Sonny.

Ned interrupts his incoherent babble (thank god !!) and assures him that
while he wants Sonny out, he is not looking to risk lives.  sensing
MigHell's discomfort (Lois studied with Madam Maia in high school so she is
able to decipher MigHell's vacuous stares) Lois starts to back off but Ned
quickly stops her and insists that MigHell is their only hope while i
initially shuddered at the thought, i now believe that this is a brilliant
ploy by Nedly and a covert signal to the MHA that he seeks to join our
ranks . . .  Nedly is setting up the demise of MigHell . . .

Ned is firm with MigHell and sternly tells him that Lois has never asked
more of him than to do what he does best . . .  MigHell stares back at him
blankly (damn !!  i *must* get a closed captioned television for these
special moments !!!  i can only imagine what this look was supposed to
convey --- anger ??  humiliation ??  defeat ??   I KNOW !!!  i will start a
new game show --- "Name That Emotion !!"  win cash and prizes !!)  clearly,
Nedly is fed up with Lois coddling the Black Hole of talent . . .

finally, MigHell agrees to help L&B but with one condition:  BrainDead must
be told.  donning her protctive rubber suit, Lois hugs the Beast.  St.
MigHell stoicly pronounces that Ned was right . . .  whatever he has to do
to help Lois comes freely and from his heart; oh GAG me !! he just
doesn't want BrainDead to hurt anymore.  MigHell runs off for his
electrolysis appointment and Lois tells Ned the next step is to put the
plan in motion --- tying the video release in with the new york concerts.

Cinema 3:  Breakfast at Tiffany's . . .
-------------------------------------------------

(well, "Kvetching at  Kelly's"  just doesn't have the same ring to it !!)
Lurch (aka Luke / or Puke) calls "his Boy Elroy" (or Luckless, if you will)
to meet him for some good ol' fashioned flapjacks at Kelly's.  Luckless
(who has made some kind of miraculous recovery from his recent surgery to
relieve the cerebral hematoma from his go-cart accident ---- i know, IOAS,
but the kid is sporting a full head of hair and not even a bandage !!!)
tells Bora (aka Laura) that he is off to meet Pops and is met with major
negative attitude. Bora, clearly disturbed, reprimands Luckless for
shirking his commitment to her to run errands.  Luckless tries to explain
to her how devastating their separation is to him and asks her to
reconsider.  Seeing her reaction, he tells her that she is still the
coolest mom around and agrees to run her errands after breakfast.

Lurch tells the Rubester to put more cakes on the griddle --- Boy Wonder is
joining him for breakfast.  Concerned, Rubes tells Lurch that she feels the
situation with Bora has gone to far ---  Lurch is staying away from his own
cave, for god's sake.  Lurch tells her that he has tried to get Bora to
take him back --- he has reasoned, begged, pleaded and pressured her, to no
avail (sheesh !!  he even, "has made love to her the best way he knows how"
----- so *that's* what he calls it  ? ? ? ).

Luckless arrives and Rubles scurries off to fetch his flapjacks.  Luckless
complains that they are one sorry family -- even Skillethead is depressed.
Lurch tells him there is no use talking if no one is listening.  a light
bulb flashes on in Luckless's recently repaired brain (so *that's* where
the intern dropped the flashlight !!) and he suggests they take a short
trip, you know, just the guys.  Lurch agrees and asks his protege whether
they can invite Sonny-Boy along for some male bonding.

Cinema 4:  A Fish Called Bora
-----------------------------------------

Bora decides to pay Sonny-Boy a little visit and stops by Lurch's club.
Bora gets straight to the point and tells him that Ned played the tape for
her of Sonny's conversation with Harry.  she reminds Sonny of his promise
to her that if his outside activities came down on her family that he
offered to end his business relationship with Lurch.  Bora wants him to
honor that promise.  Sonny claims the tape is being blown out of
proportion, yadda, yadda, yadda but he praises Bora for her directness.

Sonny reassures her that nothing he is involved with poses any danger to
her family and suggests that Bora is *allowing* it to cause trouble.  Bora
reminds him that she isn't stupid and that she has experience with the mob.
 Sonny insists that he was only insuring peace with Rivera and that there
is such a thing as honor among theives.  Bora reminds him that her son has
been shot once and asks him to honor his promise and sell his interest in
the club.  Bora leaves and Sonny opens up a beer and laments his situation.

Mike walks in on a stressed out Sonny and pushes for information.  as Sonny
is yelling at him to get out of his face, Lurch & Son arrive.  Luckless
invites Sonny to join them for a night in the wilderness.  Sonny
reluctantly agrees.  Lurch asks Mike to cover for him.  Sonny mentions that
Bora paid him a visit and Mike runs interference and takes Luckless off to
gamble away his allowance.

Lurch's caveman persona emerges as Sonny informs him that Bora asked him to
honor his promise.  Lurch rants that Bora is way over the line and that the
club is his territory:  Woman Stay Home and Care For Children,  Men Hunt
Food and Build Fire . . . yawn !!  Sonny offers to go his separate way
but Lurch will have none of it.  Mike returns with Junior and Luke departs
to pack their camping gear and have it out with Bora.

Cinema 5:  Les Miserables
------------------------------------

Bora arrives at Kelly's to fetch Luckless.  Justus sees her arrive and
tries to hide behind his newspaper, not wanting to hear of marital woes.
no such luck as Bora spots him and invites herself to join him.  Ruby
arrives at his table with his lunch and tells Bora that Luckless left with
Lurch.  Bora starts to get that look on her face again and Ruby can't hold
back any longer.  she tells Bora she is making the biggest mistake of her
life and suggests they let Justus eat in peace.  Bora insists she has
nothing to hide and Ruby lets her have it (hmm . . . was i seeing shades of
Barbara Jean ???)  Bora justifies her actions and Ruby tells her she hopes
that her self-righteousness will be enough.  Ruby huffs off and Justus
looks uncomfortable and has understandably lost his appetite.  Bora looks
to Justus for validation and doesn't get any. thinking that misery loves
company, she changes the subject to Simone (nice move, Bora) and Justus
tells her that things couldn't be any worse.  He offers her his unsolicited
$0.02 and tells her not to let things with Lurch get to that point.

comments/questions welcomed