Daily Updates

Date: Tue, 14 Mar 1995 12:41:37 CST
From: U14780@uicvm.uic.edu
Subject: GH: Update for Mon 03/13/95

By: kathy%gundog@lbl.gov (Kathy Ellington)

     General Hospital Update for Monday, March 13, 1995

WARNING: Contains scenes which might offend all the Sonny-lovers out there.
         Would probably also offend the Miguel-lovers, if there were any.

It's Almost Puppy-Time in the Old Corral
========================================
At the Quartermaine mansion, poor Reginald is in the soup!  He let Annabelle
get away.  Reggie observed that she was joined by Foster and the crazed
canines left him in their dust [GH writers: ever consider Foster, Sigmund,
and Annabelle in an "Incredible Journey" kind of thing?].  He's just finished
reporting the news to Lila and Edward when Ruby and Lucky show up; Lucky
apologizes and tells them Foster escaped and could they look for him on the
grounds?  Lila breaks the news that the dogs in question have fled; she blames
Edward's negative comments toward Foster's unborn brood as the reason Annabelle
split.  Lucky tries to assure Lila that Foster will protect Annabelle. [Note to
Lucky's trainer: it's time to get the kid a hair clip and flea dip or we'll
start referring to him as Curly-Girly-Boy!].

Justus Plays "Red Cap" for Simone's Emotional Baggage
=====================================================
At the Hardy house, the boys have kidnapped Nancy Drew and her chums, George
and Bess, and, buck-naked, are preparing to ... wait, wrong Hardy house.  At
the Hardy house in PORT CHARLES, Justus drops by to comfort Simone [and maybe
help himself to a slice of leftover pot pie?].  She blabs on and on about her
broken marriage.  He feigns interest, knowing that seeming to pay attention
now is money in the old "night depository" in the future [if you get my drift].

The Charles Street Foundation = Black Hole Time Wasting Scenes
===============================================================
Meanwhile, A.J., Jason, and Keesha do some planning about the Charles Street
Foundation.  Jason feels a bit left out and after Keesha leaves, he warns A.J.
to keep his hands off the K-ster.  Later, Keesha visits Justus and they share
a conversation about Simone, the Foundation, etc. over some saturated fat at
Kelly's.  This scene was, however, too inane and stupid to describe in detail.

Sonny Tries to Keep All His Balls in the Air
==============================================
At Luke's Club, Luke and Sonny chat about teaming up against Damian and Joe
Skully; Luke convinces Sonny that Lucy would be a great addition to their
"Mission Impossible" team.  Sonny takes his leave and tells Luke he's heading
for Kelly's.  He needs to reassure El Turdito that everything's "cool runnin'"
at L&B.  In Mig's room, he and Sonny square off.  Mig tells the Mini-Mobster
that he thinks he's still part of the mob.  Sonny replies that he is clean now
and Mig shouldn't worry because he's part of the L&B "family" and the Tiny
Terror always protects his family.  Mig mouths off; Sonny replies in Spanish.
"Tish" Mig whispers brokenly "you spoke Spanish!" The two embrace, their sinewy
arms pulling each other closer and closer until their bodies flow together as
one.  The camera zooms in on a hairy-knuckled hand clamped firmly over a
muscular buttock, then tastefully fades away as passionate music bubbles up.
Cut to a commercial.
Sometime later, an exhausted (yet strangely exhilarated) Sonny meets with Luke
back at the club.  They decide to plan a sting operation in NYC to track down
the stolen Deception products.
And in a darkened room over Kelly's Cafe, Miguel contemplatively smokes a
cigarette and ponders, "Lily who??"

Caution: Sociopathic Serial Killer on Board!
============================================
Lucy is whizzing around the halls of General Hospital, looking for Kevin.  Amy
smirkily tells her that The Doctor of Love is in Felicia's room.

And in Filly's room, all hell has broken out because she and Kevin have finally
realized that Rybaby didn't die after all and he must be the one who snatched
Baby Georgie and fled.  Then Felicia, agitated at the prospect of her child
being in the hands of a crazed serial killer, starts thrashing around on the
bed, flipping like a dolphin.  Her giant, lactating breasts, now grossly
engorged with her precious bodily fluid, throw her off balance and she flips
out of bed and onto the floor.  Kevin manfully heaves her back in the sack.
Then Kevin puts in a panicky call to Mac and tells him to haul ass to GH. Lucy
stumbles into the chaotic scene.  She gets the word about Ryan posing as Kevin.
To his shock and dismay, she tells Kevin that Ryan came to her apartment and
posed as the Doctor of Love.  He was rounding the bases and heading for home
plate; would have scored a home run if not for the intervention of Luke n'Duck.
Kevin is undone by this news; horrified that Ryan got so close to his beloved
Sigmund!  Then Mac, Garcia (nice hairdo, Garcia, you don't look so much like a
1950's version of Jerry Lewis any more), and Steve join the crowd.  Mac tried
to reassure Filly that he'll get right on Georgia's trail. Garcia, Kevin, Mac,
and Lucy leave GH and search the lighthouse. They're worried when they find
the picture frame with the broken glass.  Will Ryan go after GiantChild Maxie
too?  Kevin and Lucy decide to hit the trail immediately in search of the duo.
Back in Filly's room, Bobbie tries to comfort her and, to take her mind off
the kidnapping, she suggests that the two gals strip down and compare breast
pendulosity.  Filly stares blankly at Bobbie, who realizes she may have
stepped over the line here.  Her fears disappear, however, when Filly shrugs
and replies "Okay, then, $20 says I win the Hootercade!"  They are interrupted
by Mariah, who has brought Maxie to visit Mom.  It was obvious to this updater
that the GH writers had gotten hold of a bad batch of drugs because the usually
mild-mannered character of Grandma Mariah now sported a buzz-cut ala Susan
Powter.  Mariah blasted into the hospital room crackling with
amphetamine-fueled energy and shouted "STOP THE INSANITY!  EAT A POTATO!"
                         ---- end of show ----

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