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Sorry but this is long.

So, about 3 weeks ago I did something very hurtful to my husband. I won't go into details - I am ashamed - but it'd been eating at me for weeks.

Then, yesterday I got a call at work which sent me over the edge. Had nothing to do with me, but I was super super upset. But I cannot discuss with anyone.

My heart has been racing. I've been experiencing fatigue and dizziness. Insomnia. Convinced I had AFib. Every catastrophic thought possible - that M was going to leave me, even though he talks about us buying a condo in the near future.

And in the middle of all this, I took myself off of THC.

Welp..panic attack.

Last night we went to the ER. I was crying to the doc and then the EKG tech. They must have found nothing because we sat there for 3 hours, and just left. They were crazy - at least 3 stroke victims there last night. At home, I cried and cried to my husband, who held me and told me the incident was behind us and suggested I try to put it behind me.

I've been in touch with my primary. She thinks it's THC withdrawal, so she ordered an anti-anxiety med precisely for that.

Today, my two wonderful colleagues and buddies were 100% there for me...took me out for lunch, bought me Starbucks. My boss also gave me a huge pep talk. He has nothing but positive things to say about me.

So I am feeling like a good sob again, but it felt really good to get this all out and acknowledge how much the incident was weighing on me. I also sobbed it out to my brother.

I am looking forward to the new anxiety meds.

And I'm now down to 140 lbs (5'7") so it feels nice to not have to worry about losing weight, for the first time in 30 years. I can eat again.

Other good news is that LW is about to be in touch with his half brother in MO - someone I believe he will hit it off with. LW needs a mentor, I think C is also on the spectrum, and I think it will be a good connection for him.

Thanks for coming to my whinge talk!