SoapZone Community Message Board

but maybe people remember when I used to be quite panicked about the situation. Things are, in many ways, worse than they used to be, but my friend hasn't actually had any feelings of warmth for the guy in years and that's somewhat easier to deal with.

Because people sometimes ask: No, she has not left him.

We are perhaps closer than we have ever been but I don't know what that actually looks like in terms of actual divorce. But I'm posting here because of something that happened last night.

Their oldest kid is now a teenager -- 14 -- and he's having a rough time. My nephews both struggled like crazy when they were the same age. The transition to high school, the social complexities of being a teenager, the lingering impact of the pandemic: It's a lot.

She calls me last night because she'd had a fight with her husband over the oldest, who he is currently not talking to. He plays a sport. He hates the sport. He's not good at it. He says it exhausts him. He wants to quit.

His argument is that the son is always like this -- he never wants to do the thing, he always fights it, and then he gets over it and improves. He's just doing this again.

My friend's argument is that he is communicating over and over again that he hates it and it's draining for him, and he doesn't want to do it anymore. He's generally miserable. This is not helping.

Her husband's response was "Well, he has to learn that sometimes things are hard and you have to keep working away at them if you want to be successful. So if he quits this sport, then I wash my hands of him. If he turns out to be a loser who never accomplishes anything, that will be on you. I am not involved."

She's calling me to see if I think his POV has merit and I do but once she tells me what he said I startd to laugh and it took me a good minute to calm down enough to say "So he's telling his son he has to work through a hard thing to get to the other side, but if his son decides to quit a team sport, his response is going to be to quit the one thing you are never supposed to quit -- being a parent?"

I honestly was dumbstruck. I do get what he's saying -- though I also feel like if your kid consistently hates team sports and has no athletic amibion, at some point you just accept that he's not a sport guy. And no one ever grew to love sports through being compelled to play them. But how do you make that argument while also COMPLETELY removing yourself as his father?

So, yeah. Update: he's never gotten any better. But at least he has a job now.