...$81K per year is not enough to afford anything more than a small condo unless you want to live HOURS outside of the DMV area, spend literally all your time commuting, don't have time to eat, and don't see your family except on the weekends. It takes me about 80 minutes each way between train and getting to the train/to and from my office building - there's zero chance I could reasonably afford more than a condo unless I want to go a lot further out than I currently am. And I'm single. I'm not worried about childcare costs, etc. Which are astronomical.
I used to live in a much lower COL area, so I get it, it can seem like so much when you're not here - but it's just not the way it works near big cities. You have to bust out of the 100Ks into the 200Ks to afford a single-family home or a bigger townhouse closer to DC or Baltimore, at current housing costs. And that's a mortgage. Rent is even worse.