Daily Updates

All My Children Update for Friday, 27-May-2005

By my count, we had eight different groups of people interacting today, so I'm going to break things up by group.

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The first group we saw today was Maria and her kids. Apparently Sam had just filled Maddie in on his plan to go live with the Martins, and Maddie screamed at Maria that first she lost her father, and now she's losing her brother, all because of her evil mother. We discovered today that Maddie has been getting harrassed at school because of her "tramp" of a mother. Maddie found a note on her locker asking "How do you compete with your cheap slut mother? You give it away for free." Also, while at the mall she was picking up some things she had dropped, and a group of boys thought that as long as she was on her knees they should get some "free servicing" from "a pro like Maddie." Maria tried the "they're just jealous" argument, and Sam responded with "Yeah, because everybody wants a tramp for a mother."

I've never been a real Maria fan, but I have to feel a little sorry for her--between Edmund's paralysis and the fact that she never actually slept with Zach since he's been in town, the only other person in town under 60 who has had less action in the past year or so is Brooke... yet Maria has the reputation of town slut. She's got to be thinking if she was going to have to deal with all this anyway, she should've gone ahead and cheated on Edmund, and at least had the fun to go along with the rep. Did Erica's kids have to deal with this kind of crap when she was bouncing from bed to bed?

Anyway, Maria's solution to all of this was to move the whole family to California (near Hayley and Mateo). Sam pointed out that she had just told him running away doesn't solve anything, and besides, she's not taking him away from the two things in his life he doesn't hate: being part of the Martin family, and Lily.

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Lily was in Florida's Grand Central Station, aka the pool supply room, having a heart-to-heart with Zach, "the man my boyfriend hates more than anyone in the world." When Zach confirmed that yes, Sam was near the top of the list of people who hated him, Lily asked if she could see the list. Zach told her he didn't have it on him at the moment. There was a bunch of Lily trying to figure out Zach's feelings, a bit of talking about kissing her new boyfriend, and further exploration of the list of Zach-haters. I had to laugh when Lily referred to Ethan as "Kendall's fiance... sometimes."

Because everything Lily says has to relate to mysteries, she volunteered to give Zach a clue as to how to be a good father. She told him to pretend she was his daughter, then started walking backward into a wall. He stopped her, and she asked if in might not be better for him to let her hit the wall and thus learn not to walk backwards anymore. He said he was just trying to protect her, and she said her dad would call that interfering, while her new mother would call that being a good parent. (I don't know, I think Jack has been using the "good parent" argument himself lately...) Zach asked her which one was right, and Lily said "I think when the children are adult children, it's interfering." She then offered Zach a lifejacket, and told him if that didn't work, he could try unconditional love.

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Zach's new bride was up in her room, packing and trying to ignore Greenlee. Greenlee may have started this conversation by trying to comfort Kendall about her life going all to hell, but it turned into her continuing rant about having the perfect marriage, and she and Ryan are so completely honest with each other, and Kendall wants what they have, etc. Kendall finally couldn't take it anymore and told Greenlee to wake up, Ryan's new doctor is not so much fixing his head as a couple feet lower.

Greenlee reacted with anger--although, more at Kendall for not telling her sooner than at Ryan for having the operation without telling his wife. Maybe it's just me, but it seems like Kendall has been trying for days to get Greenlee to figure this out, but everytime she suggested there might be a problem, and maybe Greenlee should hire Lily to do some detective work into Ryan, Greenlee has gone into a massive denial rant.

Kendall explained that Ryan made her promise not to tell, and Greenlee said "You picked a hell of a time to go all moral and honest." Greenlee called down to the bellman to have him come get her bags, because she had to get home right now--then told him to wait 10 minutes, because she had someone to take care of first. If she's really in such a hurry, why did she have to stay to beat up on Kendall for a while?

Greenlee announced that she and Kendall are no longer friends, because obviously Kendall was only pretending to be Greenlee's friend to keep Ryan in Kendall's life. Kendall tried to point out that her feelings for Ryan are "so old and so wrong", and that really, she is the best friend Greenlee has ever had. Greenlee said, no, a friend would have told her, and they are now back where they started: "honest enemies who despise and only want the worst for each other." She left, and Kendall collapsed on her bed in tears.

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Back at home, Ryan was entertaining his entire dead family, with more of the I'm-not-like-you, yes-you-are banter. Ryan told them all that "the fact that you are all here ganging up on me is proof that I can get rid of you." Huh? With his dad and brothers all clamoring to tell him how evil he really is deep down inside, Ryan tried a little heavy metal to stop them. Note to self: Loud music does not drown out the voices in my head.

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Simone and Danielle had a couple of brief moments--the first trying to get into the mysterious place Ryan has been visiting. Apparently it's the Addams' Family Whorehouse, because Simone referred to it as spooky and ooky, and Dani mentioned that Ryan had a platinum card at the House of Tarts. Later, Simone and Dani were discussing their utter failure to find any proof, and Simone decided that she must tell Greenlee Ryan is cheating on her, in order to save their marriage. Dani said the smartest thing I've ever heard her say--she wanted to stay out of this.

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The next morning, Zach showed up at Kendall's room and told her to sit down--he doesn't want the Cambius money, so if she wants out of the marriage, that's cool with him.

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Greenlee got home and told Ryan this whole vasectomy thing is not ok with her, and Ryan said too late, it's already done.

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Reggie pulled Lily into the pool supply room to give her a big brother sex talk. He said that he needed to talk to her about her and Sam "kissing and stuff." Lily pointed out that there was no "and stuff", just practice kissing. (Is that different from real kissing? When does she take the training wheels off?) Reggie told her to stop, because judging from his own experience, guys want more than that. Lily told him to back off--she has her dad and new mom for interference, she doesn't need it from her brother too.

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On the next "All My Children"...

--Erica runs into what's-his-name, the guy who played Duke Lavery on General Hospital, and says "Don't I know you from somewhere?"
--Di to Amanda: "You've got this two-faced act down, don't you?
--Simone to Ethan: "I know what you're doing here, and I can't let you do this... can I?"
--Kendall to Zach: "Do you have a gun? I want to see how big a hole I can shoot in your heart."